Social Worker, Psychotherapist, Family Mediator, Supervisor and Author.

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“When hearts and minds work together we find peace.” (Kam)

Hello everyone, I wish you all a very warm welcome to my ‘About Me’ profile. My name is Kamarun Kalam and I am a 42 year old British Muslim.

My Backstory…

I was born and raised in Uxbridge Middlesex in the UK but moved to Birmingham aged 11. My late parents were first generation Bangladeshi and passed away when I was in my 20’s. I was raised straddling two worlds- trying to fit in with traditional Bengali customs (to please my parents) and living as a British Muslim. I had to embrace…

Tales from the therapy couch..

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I often wonder why I have such bad luck,

Maybe I’m cursed?

Mum used to say that..

That my birth brought bad luck to the family.

Apparently I almost got my dad arrested

Not sure how that works as I was only a kid??

I never knew how to just be, or fit in with others.

The odd one out is how I felt and was made to feel.

Being bullied at school never helped either,

It’s been a long road of disappointment so far

Like I’m destined to never be accepted by anyone.

Makes me feel sad, like I’m…

Tales from the therapy couch..

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I was raised in a home where shame was applauded

To be painfully aware of everything and everyone else

I was made to believe that as long as honour and respect were in tact shame could never catch us.

But at what cost?

Never been one to let it all hang out,

Expressing emotions was forbidden

Mustn’t get angry for that was the devils handiwork

Mustn’t be lazy for the devil would be dancing on your head

Musn’t laugh or talk too loud what will people think?

Must remain quiet, sensible and reserved.

Safe, slow, under the radar presence so…

Tales from the therapy couch

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Breaking up hurts..

I never signed up for this

Living separately sucks,

I thought it would just be a temporary measure

But somehow it's become a long-term thing

Now I spend most of my time alone

In this weird limbo, half in and half out of a relationship

One minute mates, then lovers, then nothing

It’s so confusing

All I want is permanence

A togetherness without conditions

Love without pain

Does that exist??

Or is love for sale like everything else?

Swipe right.. swipe left, too much choice

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

More questions than…

Knowing and trusting things will all work out in the end

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It's so annoying when people don't do as they say,

Can't seem to move forwards because I’m at the mercy of other people doing their bit first

Why doesn't everyone just honour their agreements?

How am I supposed to complete this task without the right people involved?

Why is it so hard to find reliable workers?

If I was in control I would make sure everything was done properly…

Only I’m not..

All I can do is my bit. I can't change other people or make them work faster or more efficiently

Neither can I complete the job without other…

Ever said something you later regretted?

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I’m not sure about you, but when this happens, it feels so awful. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time meaning no harm; but not realising how it lands with the other person.

Commonly known as ‘foot in mouth syndrome’ some suffer with this more than others and nobody is immune to it. Unthinkingly saying a thing that upsets another person is often what leads to disputes, conflict, and hurt feelings.

The amount of people I see in therapy who have this issue or are the victim of it is shocking. …

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Confidence is knowing your own flaws, strengths, and potential, whilst owning a genuine sense of self.

It's knowing that despite your flaws you are still worthy and will not allow yourself to be held back by your own self- limiting beliefs. Confidence is forging ahead whilst managing those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and moments of weakness.

Confidence seems like an illusion to many but is often misunderstood. To be confident, you do not have to be loud, or talk often, you don’t even have to be an extravert. You just need to believe in yourself despite your inner…

Misty water coloured memories of time past

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I remember when…

Ever heard anyone say that?


Well, now it's my turn.

I remember when playing outdoors was more fun than staying in.

When mobile phones never existed and computers were bulky and slow.

I remember when building tree houses and dens in the home and garden was all the rage.

There was no sign of electronic tablets or cloud storage

I remember when we used to visit each other a lot, neighbours, friends and family.

Despite Covid the community felt more connected physically, now it's more virtually in sync and mostly online. …

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Sometimes the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, ends up being just a chapter in the story of your life.

Sometimes the safety you felt growing up vanishes into thin air as toxic relationships pile up.

Sometimes life throws curveballs like an unexpected loss into the mix. Loss of work, loss of income, loss of family members, and more.

Sometimes just getting out of bed feels like an achievement. Low in energy but still wanting to move.

Sometimes it’s worth the effort, to keep showing up regardless. …

Resistance is futile

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Anyone that knows me knows that I absolutely love quotes. I love reading them, writing them, learning from them and appreciate the pearls of wisdom contained in them. So imagine my initial confusion then slight resistance followed by a full blown light bulb moment when I read the following quote.

“You cannot suffer the past or future because they do not exist.

What you are suffering is your memory and your imagination.” (Sadhguru)

Initially upon reading this I found myself hesitant to just accept the depth of it at face value. How can the past not exist we have lived…

Kamarun Kalam BA SW/ BACP Acc

Hi I’m a Social Worker, Psychotherapist, Family Mediator, Author and Supervisor. To learn more visit 😃

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